So. Today is the 4th day. I have been sick for 4 days. The worst (and perhaps the only) being sick for the past 3 years. I am not complaining, no, merely stating the fact.
One thing I realized is that I picked a very bad timing to be sick. But then again, one can argue that being sick itself is bad time. Anyways, I was suppose to do some final preparations for a press conference yesterday, and I was suppose to attend the press conference today. But alas, I was already feeling bad since Saturday, and lying on my bed since Sunday afternoon, so I had to leave it to my two colleagues who had to take care of the mess that I made. *thanks, again, for cleaning up my mess..*
In retrospect, I try to find out how I got to be sick.
Friday night. The birthday celebration of my office. Was a fun night, not feeling a slight dizziness, fever, flu, whatsoever. I did come back home at 2, but slept immediately like a child.
Saturday. Woke up at 9. Feeling fine. Had breakfast at home. Started to feel unwell during the course of the afternoon – cough, flu, fever. Had a massage and my tukang urut told me to drink a traditional mix of green coconut juice+egg yolk+honey. Moving on to the evening the fever got higher. Slept restlessly throughout the evening to night. I knew I was suppose to prepare for the presentation tomorrow, but I thought I’d just do it early Sunday.
Sunday. Woke up at 6. Feeling slightly better. Prepared the presentations for 2 sessions at the post-program orientation at Bina Antarbudaya. Had breakfast and drove to the venue. Session from 8.30 to 12.15. Lunch there, followed by a meeting until 14. Felt like I need to go home. Slept immediately after I got home. Woke up at 5, I remembered my dad came into my room with a huge glass of the traditional green coconut mix. The fever got better, so we went out to eat at a restaurant. Got back home again, and the fever was back again. Fell asleep.
Monday. Woke up at 6.30. Decided not to go to work today, and my mom told me to go to the doctor at 7. So I went at 7.15 to the doctor, where I found that there were already 25 people who had come before me and I had to wait for 2 hours until my name was called in (!). It was scary to think of how many people got sick everyday… If there were 25 sick people in a little clinic on a Monday morning, at 7am – imagine how many there are throughout Jakarta..
The doctor couldn’t say anything about my sickness. I was afraid I caught swine flu, but the doctor said that it could be typhoid or dengue fever, but most likely not swine flu. He gave me some medications and told me if the fever had not broken until wednesday morning, I should have my blood checked. I then went back home and did not do much that day.
Tuesday. Woke up at 7, feeling better. The fever has broken sometime along the night. Got panic attack remembering the press conference today and the things that I was supposed to prepare but could not. Got more panic attack realizing that I did not prepare the things well. Felt relieved reading live twitter by my colleague.
But I still do not know how I got sick.
By 2pm I told myself that I am ready to work tomorrow.
My mom said that it was because I felt guilty. I think that it was because I need to feel the certainty. Being here, away from things that I was suppose to do, makes me feel powerless. And I don’t like feeling so.